How To Get Rid Of Lockhart If He Tries To Ask You Out
by CUtopia
Summary: Rolanda finds herself in a horrifying situation - Lockhart wants to ask her out and she is forced to improvise


Entry for "Astronomy" at "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments)"

If you gaze long enough at the heavens, you will see the fates of many written among them.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Write about a life-changing event that happens to a character simply because of a slip of fate.

Entry for the "Hogwarts Fair 2014" **Potions**

I hope you all like it :)

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><p>Rolanda Hooch sat in the staff room, trying to read the newest magazine of "Quidditch Today", but something distracted her, or rather disturbed her.<p>

Actually, it was pretty traumatising.

Gilderoy Lockhart tried to flirt with her, obviously believing that she was one of these witches falling for his blinding smile. The... well, bloke was sitting across the room, his blue eyes fixed on the witch and he wiggled his eyebrows as their eyes met, then he winked and stood up.

"Rolanda, you look exceptionally nice today! That must have something to do with your hair, it looks lovely,"he said as he approached her and Rolanda gave him her best Snape-ish glare before answering:"That is called a braid, Professor. And I wear it every day."

To her disgust, Gilderoy seemed not to notice or even ignore her unfavourable behaviour towards him.

"Marvellous!" He only exclaimed and followed Rolanda on her heel as she dropped the magazine and walked over to the small kitchen, originally planning on getting herself a coffee, but as she smelt Gilderoy's intrusive cologne she thought about grabbing the secret emergency stock of Scottish whiskey. Minerva had hidden it somewhere in the cupboards after her first encounter with Lockhart, feeling like she would need it to be able to handle Lockharts sickening good mood and narcissism.

"May I ask you something?"

Gilderoy asked as Rolanda poured herself a coffee and she answered dryly:"It is not like anyone would be able to stop you from doing so."

She glanced down as she suddenly felt his hand on her hip and she swore to herself that she would chop his hand off if he would not let go soon.

"I would like to invite you to go on a date with me."

Rolanda felt dumbfounded by the amount of self-conviction this man displayed. That he was even considering to ask someone out – she had been convinced that he was so much in love with himself that he did not needed any woman to spend him company. She had been sure that all he needed to be admired was a mirror.

Going on a date with him would be the worst nightmare she could imagine, but he obviously interpreted her silence differently.

"Oh, I know, my dear – the thought of going on a date with a person just as marvellous and famous as me can sweep a woman off her feet."

Hell, she felt like she was about to throw up. And if she could not come up with a reason why she could not go on a stupid date with him, he would take her silence as a Yes, that was for sure.

"I... I can't..."

_Glorious, Rolanda, a glorious excuse, this will surely make him loose his interest. Go on like that and you will have to curse him to get out of this, _she thought to herself.

"Oh, why, my dear? Isn't a date with me the thing you are longing for?"

"I am in a relationship."

Rolanda was surprised how easily this lie was coming from her lips, but any means were okay for her as long as she could just get out of this misery. Why couldn't he have asked Sinistra? The woman definitely had the hots for Lockhart, something Rolanda hardly understood. This man was not a man to her, he was a damned peacock – conceited, in love with himself. For her, a real man had to have a good, dark humour, he had to be a little bit mysterious, be able to handle her moods and decent about his skills, regardless how impressive they were.

"And who would that incredibly lucky man be?" Gildeory still smiled and Rolanda was sure that this colourful horror thought that he could lure her from the arms of her non-existing boyfriend just with his awesomeness.

What should she answer now? Should she just make up some story about someone living in her hometown, visiting her on the weekends? That would be truly transparent, this would fall as soon as Lockhart asked her to introduce him. A "my dead boyfriend has given me such a broken heart that I won't love any other man in my life" story?

Too dramatic...

Her eyes wandered around helplessly and in this moment, seemingly through a nice twist of the universe, the door of the staff room opened. Rolanda could see from the corner of her eye that there were a few people who entered the room and within a second her brain made a decision.

She grabbed the next person available, not caring who this man would be – at least she hoped that it was a man! She would be able to handle rumours about a secret affair with anyone twice her age - why did Dumbledore mainly employ teachers who were not under the age of 60? Seriously, there were only two staff members within their thirties.

Well, handling a rumour about a affair was something she could manage, but disputing to be gay and having an affair would be something that would demand some more work and persuasion.

"Honey, would you care to join us for a minute?" She asked with a forced smile and it took her her greatest efforts not to let the smile slip as she realised that she had wrapped her arm around Severus Snape. Gilderoy looked truly flabbergasted as he breathed:"Severus?"

Rolanda felt satisfied as his grin was wiped from his face by the sight of the dark-clothed teacher – since that evening in the duelling club, Gilderoy tended to be more careful around Severus. Not that Severus had been displaying any affection to Lockhart at all.

The Quidditch mistress was truly delighted as she could literally see his brain fuming under these blonde curls – surely Lockhart was asking himself how Severus of all could be able to get himself a woman with his dark, repellent behaviour while he, Gilderoy, was the winner of the Most Charming Smile Award!

Rolanda tried her best to let her golden eyes sparkle in happiness as she looked up to Severus, who was standing there next to her, frozen in shock, not able to say anything. His mouth was opening and closing a few times, but is signature dark glare was of course still present. Lockhart may be an idiot, but she was sure that he would (maybe) be able to interpret Severus' reaction, revealing her lie with that.

"I know, we agreed that we wanted to tell no one until my father and Albus agreed on our engagement, but I just could not wait! Please, don't be angry, my darling," Rolanda chattered, surprising herself once again and grabbed, still riding on that wave of spontaneity, Severus by the collar of his black robes, pulling him down to press her lips against his.

This obviously gave Lockhart the final punch as he left the staff room in a hasty manner and as soon as the door had closed behind him, Rolanda pulled back.

"And someone like this was in Ravenclaw – I am truly disgusted that I share a house with him. Any good Ravenclaw would have seen that I was acting."

"What...," Severus murmured, still staring at her, then, he finally found his voice. "What, by Merlin's rotten beard, was that, Hooch?!"

Rolanda smiled at him, hoping to sooth him before she started to explain:"I needed a excuse – he was trying to ask me out on a date and as I would rather drink acid than to do so, I had to make up something that would show him that trying is in vain. Well... I think it worked better than I had hoped."

"Are you serious?" Severus growled, but Rolanda was unimpressed by his murderous stare.

"Oh my, I forgot that Sir Snape cannot stand to have helped me."

"Why did you have to use me?! If this bloke gossips around, the students will never respect me any more! Couldn't you have used a "dead boyfriend" excuse?"

Rolanda pressed her hands into her hips. She hated these confrontations just as much as she loved them – Severus was at least putting up a good fight. They would banter from time to time and Rolanda used to think that it was his only way to secretly express some sort of friendship, alongside with stealing her chocolate.

"I thank you a lot, Mister! Didn't you see his expression? And you were sitting in the first row to experience this! And the "dead boyfriend" is far too exaggerated!"

"And a secret engagement is not exaggerated?! Women. How is one supposed to trust someone who bleeds for a entire week every month and does not die?"

"Sexist!" Rolanda rolled her eyes. "You are starting to be pointless, Severus."

"Said by the woman who is pointless every day! You just used me, THAT is sexism! And seriously, you are a really bad kisser, Rolanda."

"What?! I bet you never even kissed a woman before, cauldron boy!" Rolanda exclaimed, asking herself how they had come to this topic. Maybe this was because she started to loose her ability to think straight when she was around Severus... Thoughts about Freud and that sub-conscious shoot through her mind, but then they were gone just as quick as they had appeared.

"Oh, I... I kissed a lot of women!"

_Weak spot, definitely, _she grinned to herself as the ever so self-conscious and quick-witted fright of the dungeons suddenly started to fish for arguments.

"Really? I bet you did not. I could easily beat you," Rolanda grinned, poking her finger into his hard chest and he answered her challenging stare with a smug grin.

"Be careful. You do not know what you are talking about," he whispered, his dark eyes glued to hers.

"You neither."

The air seemed to crackle from the tension that had suddenly build up between them in the moment they pulled each other close, bumping their foreheads against each others.

"Ouch... that... this did hurt, can't you be more care...," Severus nagged, only to be silenced by Rolanda's lips that were softly pressed against his.

It was totally different from what she had imagined as he started to respond. His lips were warm and he was not unsure in any way as they kissed, his hands confidentially placed on her hips.

Her heart was starting to beat faster and a comfortable warmth did spread in her body as he deepened the kiss, leaving her no other choice than to match it. A prickling feeling seemed to be caused by his touch and she leaned into his hands, against his body. Even though she did not wanted it to end she broke away, feeling that her last controls were starting to crumble.

"Well... hrm... thanks for the... demonstration," Rolanda said after clearing her throat and turned on her heels to leave, nearly running into the door. She felt slightly dizzy and a dumb grin stole its way on her face as she stumbled out of the staff room.

As much as she hated him - if Lockhart had not tried to hit on Rolanda, and if Severus had not walked in by coincidence, Rolanda would never have found out about her feelings for the potions master.


End file.
